Solutions to the Bad Economy from Obama and Romney (Just Kidding—Sort of.)

You may recall that Governor Romney suggested that students should avoid more debt by getting tuition money from their parents. I bet, if asked, Mr. Romney would offer many of the practical solutions I identify below to the problems of the day. Take a look. If I could afford them, I would certainly prefer Mitt's solutions to Obama's. After all Mitt's ideas are much more consistent with all of us being taken care of by nannies, valets, chauffeurs and trustees.

Lack of money for college:

Obama: Student loans at low interest.

Romney: Have your parents write a check or wire money to you. (Don't use the Swiss bank accounts.)

Lack of food:

Obama: Government cheese (without the mold Reagan offered as a vegetable).

Romney: Have your maid bake a cake. (Swiss chocolate is OK.)

Transit down and bridges only open to cars with 3 in them:

Obama: Repair the transit.

Romney: Tell your chauffeur to pick up your valet before you hit the bridge. (A Swiss chauffeur is fine.)

Your public pension plan is insolvent:

Obama: Tax the rich to cover the shortfall.

Romney: Have your friends on the corporate board of directors establish a supplemental pension plan for you. (But use your American corporate holdings, not your Swiss ones.)

Lack of health insurance:

Obama: Adopt a universal health care program based on Romney's Massachusetts program.

Romney: Have your family trustee cover the medical bills, but tell him to be careful and sell only investments that will provide tax losses to shelter other income. Don't use the Swiss bank accounts.

Foreign wars:

Obama: Get out.

Romney: Get back in and tell your family trustee to buy more stocks in defense companies. Again, don't use the Swiss bank accounts.