While eating dinner at Ocean Tava in Redondo Beach, my friend confided in me that she wished she had not signed up to work overtime on a project she wasn't even all that interested in. She told me she would have felt guilty if she had said "no."

Do you find yourself spending too much time on those things you don't want to do, especially when those things are stopping you from growing in other areas in your life? If you answered "yes," then you may be having a difficult time with saying no. Many of us don't feel comfortable saying no, especially when it is work-related and can help us grow our business or help promote our career.

If we don't become comfortable with saying no, we might feel a heaviness within because we let ourselves down by not being truthful with ourselves—we went against what we really wanted by committing to something we didn't want to do.

If we continue to say yes when we would like to say no, we can end up feeling mentally exhausted and out of alignment with our true purpose.

We must learn to feel comfortable with saying no if we want to minimize stress and stay productive. Here are some tips I have shared with clients on how to feel more comfortable when they want to say no to something:

• First and foremost, make sure you're staying true to yourself and your true purpose. Ask yourself why. Why are you choosing to take on this project or saying yes to this opportunity? Will saying no make you feel guilty? Do you feel social pressure to say yes? Remember to ask yourself if you are doing this for yourself or someone else. If you are doing this for someone else, why? Are you looking for acceptance from this person? You could be saying yes simply for your self-esteem.

• Practice good time management. This will help you remember your priorities and core values, as well as make time for them. If you’re busy saying yes to everything that comes your way, you won’t have time for what’s really important. Asking yourself, "What is more important?" in regards to your family, health, closest relationships, career and business can help put things into perspective—it can provide more clarity on why "no" is the best answer. Simplify your life; don’t over-schedule yourself so you have enough time for yourself and your priorities.

• Take some time to think about the request. Ask the person if you can get back to them. This gives you a chance to think about the commitment, review your schedule and make sure you still have time for your priorities. You will also have some time to check in with your feelings and see how you feel about taking on another commitment. This has an added benefit: it takes away some of the pressure to say yes. I find going for a long run along Paseo del Mar in Palos Verdes helps clear my head, process my thoughts and make a decision about taking on a new commitment.

• When an opportunity arises, gather all the information before you commit so you know what you’re getting yourself into. How much of your time is needed? Are the deadlines tight? Most importantly, how does this opportunity contribute to your priorities?

• If your boss is the one who continues to add new projects to your plate, keep a list of everything he asks for. Next time your boss asks you for something, request a meeting and show him the list you’ve been keeping. Be assertive and make recommendations about what should be prioritized.

• Boundaries can be helpful, especially with family. A client of mine had a situation where her sister would ask her to watch her niece, and the sister always expected my client to say yes. My client came up with a thoughtful and gentle way to say no that she was comfortable with. She told her sister, "I want you to know that there will be times when I can say yes and there will be times when I have to say no. This doesn't mean I don’t want to or I don’t love you. It just means this time doesn't work for me."

• Saying no in the wrong way can jeopardize a relationship; you never intentionally want to hurt or to disappoint someone. Practice a straightforward and truthful way to say no. Don’t provide a lot of excuses. Using a sympathetic yet firm tone can help, too. Saying, "I'm sorry but that would conflict with my schedule," will do. Leave it at that.

Research shows that saying yes causes stress and learning to say no helps keep our priorities in check. This may seem easier said than done. Practice the above tips and you will know when it is okay to say no.